January 18th, 2008

Some Useful Condescending Phrases

clipped from phunkyou.com

Some Useful Condescending Phrases

 

Some useful phrases to use as an Evil Overlord as given by Steve Meredith. These humorous cuts were originally listed as useful phrases to use around work but they probably only work well if you are a Evil Overlord(TM).

 
  • Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
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  • The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
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  • I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
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  • Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
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  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
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  • I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t care.
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  • What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
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  • You sound reasonable…Time to up my medication.
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  • I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
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  • My toys! My toys! I can’t do this job without my toys!
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  • At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
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    Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity.


    1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

    2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

    3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

    4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

    5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

    6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"

    7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

    8 . Don't use any punctuation

    9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

    10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

    11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

    12. Sing Along At The Opera.

    13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

    14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

    15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

    16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

    17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

    18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

    19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

    20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

    Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.

    Its Called ....... therapy

    Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much


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