Doreen's World

When we lose someone - through death or a broken relationship - it is quite common for sadness, grief, or anxiety to emerge at some point. While it might seem like depression, grief is actually quite different.

Depression is marked by negative thoughts and feelings about oneself - low self-esteem and self-worth. Grief, on the other hand, is marked by distress over the loss of another or, in severe cases, overwhelming separation anxiety.

About a third of people experiencing grief go on to develop a depression, but it is usually weeks or months later. Loss can lead to changes in one's life - pleasurable things that were once done together, for example, are no longer done - and these in turn can lead to depression.

Counselling is usually the best treatment for grief. Some counsellors specialise in grief and loss counselling.

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Originally published at catloverdoreen.net.

When coping with a death, you may go through all kinds of emotions. You may be sad, worried, or scared. You might be shocked, unprepared, or confused. You might be feeling angry, cheated, relieved, guilty, exhausted, or just plain empty. Your emotions might be stronger or deeper than usual or mixed together in ways you've never experienced before.

Some people find they have trouble concentrating, studying, sleeping, or eating when they're coping with a death. Others lose interest in activities they used to enjoy. Some people lose themselves in playing computer games or eat or drink to excess. And some people feel numb, as if nothing has happened.

All of these are normal ways to react to a death.

What Is Grief?

When we have emotional, physical, and spiritual reactions in response to a death or loss, it's known as grief or grieving. People who are grieving might:

• feel strong emotions, such as sadness and anger


• have physical reactions, such as not sleeping or even waves of nausea


• have spiritual reactions to a death for example, some people find themselves questioning their beliefs and feeling disappointed in their religion while others find that they feel more strongly than ever about their faith

The grieving process takes time and healing usually happens gradually. The intensity of grief may be related to how sudden or predictable the loss was and how you felt about the person who died.

Some people write about grief happening in stages, but usually it feels more like "waves" or cycles of grief that come and go depending on what you are doing and if there are triggers for remembering the person who has died.

If you've lost someone in your immediate family, such as a parent, brother, or sister, you may feel cheated out of time you wanted to have with that person. It can also feel hard to express your own grief when other family members are grieving, too.

Some people may hold back their own grief or avoid talking about the person who died because they worry that it may make a parent or other family member sad. It's also natural to feel some guilt over a past argument or a difficult relationship with the person who died.

We don't always grieve over the death of another person. The death of a beloved pet can trigger strong feelings of grief. People may be surprised by how painful this loss can be. But the loving bonds we share with pets are real, and so are the feelings of loss and grief when they die.

All of these feelings and reactions are OK but what can people do to get through them? How long does grief last? Will things ever get back to normal? And how will you go on without the person who has died?

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Originally published at catloverdoreen.net.

For most people the passage of time helps rebuild lives after losing a loved one, but for others it may takeover their lives and need specific treatment, say Australian researchers.

Researchers from the Traumatic Stress Clinic at the University of New South Wales (UNSW) and Westmead Hospital are testing a new way to deliver cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), a type of psychotherapy known to be effective for depression and anxiety.

Study leader, Professor Richard Bryant from UNSW, says 'prolonged grief disorder', which has recently been recognised as a significant clinical condition, requires a grief-specific form of CBT.

"In recent years there has been new interest in the finding that losing a loved one by death can cause real mental health problems," says Bryant.

"Most people initially experience intense sadness arising from longing or yearning for the deceased. But if these reactions persist six months after the death their grief can become complicated or stalled, preventing them from moving on with their lives."

Bryant says that there is considerable evidence that people with this disorder suffer marked impairment beyond the effects of depression.

Changing focus

Initial evidence from a trial involving 50 people suggests that people who received grief-specific CBT were more likely to resolve their grief reactions, than people who received traditional CBT.

"People with prolonged grief need help to resolve outstanding issues they may have about the death or about the person who has died, and learn to develop a new relationship with the person, which determines their capacity to cope in the future," says Bryant.

"We have learnt through research that people with prolonged grief are very much fixated on painful negative memories of the deceased.

"These people need to be getting access to memories that are reassuring rather than memories that are triggering further anxiety and depression."

Resolving issues

Grief-focused CBT engages participants in techniques such as writing letters to the person who has died, and having imaginary conversations with him or her in a highly structured way with the therapist.

"Talking through those issues, rehearsing them and having an appraisal helps people find a more constructive interpretation of the loss and of the future.

"Often when the memories of the death are dealt with, it is very important in therapy to then focus on new goal setting, developing new social networks, and structuring a daily or weekly schedule."

The researchers say the grief-specific treatment provides a promising alternative to counselling that may not be as helpful for people suffering from the longer-term effects of grief.

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Originally published at catloverdoreen.net.